who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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