So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
