So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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