The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
