I could make wine with my vomit
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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