Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No subtext here. People are naked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
