I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
