obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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