dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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