I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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