Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
