hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
