I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
