It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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