did you get engaged???
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
