What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
