you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
