I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
