My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
