Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
