too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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