I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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