So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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