I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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