Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize