Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
