We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
