I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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