Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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