this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
