I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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