I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
