It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
