This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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