No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
