You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
