My cat gives me a boner
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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