I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
