Apparently you make a good broom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
