remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
