I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
