On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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