Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
