I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
