She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
