I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
