did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
