and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
