Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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