Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
