mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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