Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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