Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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